Welcome To The Deep End

Recently, I’ve come to the realization that I swim in the deep end of the pool. I’ve always been a serious, really deep person. I blame part of that on the fact that I’m a scorpio, but I’ll keep astrology out of it. Even as a kid I found that I was more serious than the kids my age. This meant that I was the “weird kid” in school. I can remember preferring to hang out with adults, rather than try to make friends with kids my age. The raw truth was that I just didn’t fit in with kids my age.

Now that I’m over 40, my ability to give a crap about trivial things, like which one of the Kardashians is doing something stupid is nil. I just can’t even pretend that I give a shit about trying to be one of those pretty girls who talks about her nails all day. No offense to pretty girls who do their nails all day. I’m sure your nails look amazing.

That being said, with age comes the simple realization that I swim in the deep end of the pool. I’m just a serious, passionate person. I’m shitty at small talk. I have no idea how to be a casual friend, forget casual girlfriend (dating was super fun for me). If you’re on my team then we’re tight, tighter than family. All of this means that I’m super intense.

My intensity seems to be heightened by 2020, by Covid, by the reactions that people have to masks and lockdown and homeschool. For me, the Spring of 2020 has brought not only a really f**ked up time but also a time of great reflection for me. I’ve really taken stock of what’s important in my life and I’ve started to ask myself one simple question.

How do I want my life to look?

How do I want my life to be different during and after this season? What things can I no longer pretend give a shit about? What things, people, scenarios need to be gone from my life because they no longer serve me?

Not too long ago I was going through a rough time at work. I was whining about this when a friend said,

“Darling, stop playing with the trash”.

The words “Don’t Play With Trash” have become a motto for me, really (I even named my podcast after that conversation). And as a resident of the deep end of the pool, I’ve found that there’s relief in giving myself permission to stop giving a shit about things that I never gave a shit about in the first place.

I’ve had many, many conversations with people over the past few months about how life has changed and ways in which it really should continue to change. Some of the people whom I’ve talked seem to need permission to make huge, important, self reflective changes in their lives.

If you need someone to give you permission to make changes to your life, I’ll do it. I volunteer for the job.

You have permission.

I’m giving you permission to do whatever you need to do to thrive in life, now and going forward. This includes permission to tell your shitty friends to hit the bricks, setting boundaries with your family members who take too much from you, and all of the people in your life that continue to overstep.

Answer this question: What do you really want?

Use it as a roadmap. If a person, place, situation doesn’t fit into that heart felt answer, then you have permission to ditch it. Of course, this can be difficult, especially if you’re a people pleaser, but it’s time. It’s time for all of us to take stock and give ourselves permission to do whatever we need to do to set ourselves up for an awesome life.

Ditch the assholes in your life. Quit the job you hate. Focus your attention on things that really matter to you.

You can do it. I believe in you. Oh, and welcome to the deep end.